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The Worst Song Evar!

Back in the '60s after the First British Invasion, record companies were scrambling to find rock bands to record and make money off of. There were talented bands such as The Beatles (not to mention Jimi Hendrix), but there were many acts who got a record contract who were egregiously bad. If you had a band and halfway looked the part, you had a good chance at getting a record deal. Today, it's a lot tougher.

In 1967 when I was ten, my dad took me and my little sister to my first concert. Ohio Express was the main act. They had a big hit out called "Yummy Yummy Yummy," which was basically Bubble Gum music. But one of the opening acts was Ultimate Spinach, a Boston-based psychedelic band ripping off Jefferson Airplane. This was the first time I had ever seen freaks! Wow! They appeared on the stage, dressed in colorful hippy garb, hair growing out every hole in their flower child bodies, ready to take on the world with their out-of-tune guitars. I actually went out and bought this album and I remember liking it. (I was young and didn't know any better.)

I just goggled them and found this song, "Visions of Your Reality." If you're got the stomach for it, listen to it HERE. I defy you to find a more atrocious, self-indulgent, self-important piece-of-crap tune. I bet the young woman in the song this dude's disparaging so thoroughly dumped him for being such a dweeb. And he just took his ball and went home and wrote this bad song.



( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 7th, 2010 05:32 pm (UTC)
Hey! Stop knocking us dweebs!
Mar. 7th, 2010 05:33 pm (UTC)
You? Perish the thought!
Mar. 7th, 2010 05:34 pm (UTC)
I have my union card and sad-but-deep clown badge.
Mar. 7th, 2010 05:52 pm (UTC)
Nickelback is worse.
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
As I said, I defy you to find a more atrocious, self-indulgent, self-important piece-of-crap tune. I will go check them out and see if I want my "nickel back." ;-)
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:13 pm (UTC)
Well, I don't think I'd call Nickelback self-important, although atrocious certainly fits.
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:18 pm (UTC)
I listened to a couple tune of theirs on Youtube. They can tune their guitars, or pay to have someone do it. Actually they're pretty good at what they do--if you like that sort of thing--but that's the sort of lame, self-indulgent hard rock that I've always avoided. I listened to one of their ballads. I can see some straight couple at their high school prom, looking at each other with stars in their eyes, saying, "Honey, they're playing our song." Egad!
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:21 pm (UTC)
It's definitely popular music, but yeah, not my cuppa tea at all. There are so many better Canadian bands out there, but this is the one that seems to be packing the stadiums of the world.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:09 pm (UTC)
How that group got paired up with good, wholesome bubblegum music I will never know.

There were four acts on the bill and Ultimate Spinach probably came cheap. They probably played for gasoline to get them to the next town and a little something for the hookah. :D
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
"you'd leave me a burnt out matchbox of forgotten roses/
inside a get well card I had to address by myself/
but that's not what I need from another stranger/
so I guess I'd better do things without your help..."

Poor guy. Had to address that get well card all by himself. :(

The rest of it...I have no idea what it means. What, exactly, is a "matchbox of forgotten roses" for example? Those must be some tiny roses...

Thanks(?) for the link... ;) Here's one in return: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PAzqBUNlCs -- Although, as a Ween fan, I have to say this one's so bad it's good (and the shrooms are most likely partly to blame, I hope).
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:54 pm (UTC)
T.J., you hit on the same bad lyrics that knocked me out of chair, ROTFL.

Maybe the forgotten roses are in the matchbox so he can smoke them when he's down and depressed. Probably just give him a headache.

Thanks for the link. Yes, blame it on the 'shrooms! ;-)
Mar. 7th, 2010 10:07 pm (UTC)
Maybe my expectations were simply too high. With a name like "Ultimate Spinach" I was really expecting them to be much better wordsmiths.
Mar. 7th, 2010 10:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah, well, I never figured Popeye would make much of a poet either. ;-)
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:48 pm (UTC)
You have obviously never heard the John F. Kennedy Song.

I cannot find the full lyrics online, but think high falsetto. This was meant to be part of a series of Presidential songs, but I think it was canceled after Kennedy's assassination. The first single had a completely unmemorable ditty meant to teach you about George Washington.
The Kennedy song's tune sticks in the head like an advertising jingle, sorry I can't reproduce it for you, but with a bit of lyric, you might be able to inflict it on us all ;-)

John F. Kennedy, remarkable young man is he.
At age 43, elected to the Presidency!

Born in 1917, second child of nine,
He ran for Predident in 1959.
Graduated Harvard, gave service in the war...

At that point, my brain insists the nest line is,
"He became our President, Number Thirty-Four!" But that is, of course, incorrect...
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:55 pm (UTC)
And now there's no Kennedy in congress in over 50 years. I blame this song!
Mar. 7th, 2010 08:03 pm (UTC)
Could be. Could be something else at work....
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 7th, 2010 06:55 pm (UTC)
Ooh, it did serve a purpose!
Mar. 7th, 2010 09:54 pm (UTC)
Such shallow thinking, Marshall. The discoloration of all the words you're saying!

(Sorry. I couldn't listen all the way through. Oh, the humanity!)
Mar. 7th, 2010 10:04 pm (UTC)

I understand about not being able to listen all the way from. It gets worse (and funnier) and hits rock bottom with the line: "Because I know you'd leave me a burned out matchbox of forgotten roses/
inside a get well card I had to address by myself"

So bad it's funny. *g*
Mar. 7th, 2010 11:53 pm (UTC)
And so sixties--which despite all the free lovin' et al. was a pretty misogynistic decade.
Mar. 8th, 2010 01:35 pm (UTC)
I remember coming across that album in a record store in Athens, GA.

I defy you to find a more atrocious, self-indulgent, self-important piece-of-crap tune.

Well, I don't know if I can score points on all those counts, but there are some bands that take ineptitude through the Schwarzschild limit "with all the earnestness of a second grade band belting out Pomp and Circumstance'".
Mar. 8th, 2010 01:48 pm (UTC)
Now that's the sort of defiance I like! Yeah, they're worst, but they fall in the category of amateur rather than masquerading as pro. :-)

I also disenjoyed "Philosophy of the World" by The Shaggs:

Mar. 8th, 2010 02:39 pm (UTC)
The Shaggs were amazingly influential. A-maze-ing. Who knows, maybe in a way Dad was right?

It's an interesting effect you're describing here. The "money go round" (apologies to the Kinks) circles its own navel in an insular tied-down market, growing duller and duller on bubble-gum rock and glitzy backup-bands until nobody is interested in what they are putting out. Then an outside influence arrives, like the Beatles, and there's a mad scramble to shove as much money into it as possible in order to be part of the next big thing.

I remember the second British invasion was similar. Bands like Soft Cell, Kajagoogoo, and Flock of Seagulls got contracts based on their look and attitude, and by the sheer weight of the money backing them, had hits and successful tours. It was not quite as warping as the wave you're describing (which was coupled with having drug culture in the mix to achieve amazing new highs of awfulness), but it was pretty close.

And the industry totally missed the fun parts, focusing on the Emo and the pretentious. Meanwhile, back on the mainland, awkward quirky little bands like Trio were having fun with the new music and new devices like the casio-touch-tone-keyboard, and women like Guensch Patti and Catherine Loeb who NEVER could have signed an American deal were having great fun playing with risque topics and generalized silliness.
Mar. 8th, 2010 02:26 pm (UTC)
Yes, you score Big Points! Thanks, Barry!

Mar. 8th, 2010 02:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I'm touched. I can only see this far because I have stood under the feet of dwarves.
Mar. 8th, 2010 02:43 pm (UTC)
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )


Marshall Payne
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